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Looking Through Your Window

by Rob Dickson

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1.
Right now I’m just hanging from a wire. Every direction’s taken. Autumns with our t-shirts on the drive way, both our knees were skinned and all along the roads were piles of fallen leaves decomposing. I can remember both our lives before we fell in love. Lately I’ve been spinning and I’m dizzy with the disappointment, feeling like I don’t have all the strength that I needed to begin with. All along the roads were piles of fallen leaves decomposing. I can remember both our lives before we fell in love again. Remember the time we climbed up onto the top of our old classroom? We went there to meet and to dangle our feet, with the sirens of the summer singing. Got carried away at the edge of the day, filling with fear and hesitation. You took one edge and I took mine but neither you nor I could finish what we started when we years ago departed. What we started to run from. What we started. After so many years I still don’t think I’ve got it. What we started to run from.
2.
Packing it in and crawling back out, leaving the city with blood in my mouth. Sun going down, young mist fills the sky. Street kids sit laughing, cold wind in their eyes. It’s not just the bustle or the threat of bad news, the crossroads of borders or the mud in my shoes. The silence that I clung to when I lost control. Love tell me the distance you’re willing to go. Still projecting shadows on the recess of my mind, I’m alright. Still collecting memories of all kinds. Holding steady, reeling from the weight of the marching time. Light on your face in the sand by the sea. The sounds of our children, their paddling feet. I’d remember my mother, and her voice in the yard. The breast that I’d cling to when things came apart. Books collecting dust for every song I couldn’t write, sheets of white. Resurrecting memories from old lines. Holding steady, reeling from the weight of the marching time.
3.
Warning Dove 04:01
All your words falling from you like a waterfall. Oh, if only you could convince me they make sense at all. Late that night when nothing felt right, everything was going wrong. Flat on your back with your head on the tracks I told you all my hope was gone. And now you pray for your mother, kiss your little brother. Please don’t go, in the morning I could be your warning dove. Love your friends, but your friends aren’t always on your side. I’ll make amends but sometimes it’s best just to say goodbye. I saw you today and my words fell away, I swore that you were someplace else. Flat on your back with your head on the tracks, your eyes were like the deepest wells. And now you pray for your mother, kiss your little brother. Please don’t go, in the morning, I could be your warning dove. Now you pray for your mother, kiss your little brother. Please, don’t go, in the morning, I could be your warning dove.
4.
Dear I’m feeling panic, what is this race and is it long? Together we would sing the words to all our favorite songs. With a whisper after midnight, through wet grass under moonlight, caught in a flicker so entwined, I would go out of my mind. Out of my mind, out of my mind love. Lately I would wander all around this town for hours. Daydream of your silhouette at sunset picking flowers. Turn motion into longing and then something into nothing, I couldn’t be the reckless kind, so I’d go out of my mind. Out of my mind, out of my mind love Did you ever get so close to the vision of a life that you want most? And at once it felt insane, and your heart was calling out to be broken again and again. Again and again, again and again love.
5.
April Sun 03:54
Morning dust coated shoes on the porch like rust. Your bedroom light switched on just before the familiar song of your father's voice. And he would say, that god himself couldn't turn you away from the unrelenting sun. He said that you could be anyone, and you felt so tall. All the piles of waste rock through the mist on the horizon. Hills hauled out paid to build your house and the forest bled in the April sun. Your grownup home, in the yard you planted a tree of your own--your blood, your flesh and bone. Is it everything that you need even after all that's changed? Will you just stay and convince yourself not to run away? But love yourself the same, turning into a child again just like before? Memories fill your days and throw like glints upon the water. Branches bow and the wind it blows on the rocky shore where old spirits low. All the piles of waste rock through the mist on the horizon. Hills hauled out paid to build your house and the forest bled in the April sun.
6.
New One 01:50
Constant beams of light shot straight out from your tiny face--last star in the morning, diamond from the water. Sing out to the silence, settle into your heart’s drum--warming softly in the arms of our mother. Strange dreams, bright, blinding. You’ll breathe in all these new sensations
7.
This town’s three hours from nowhere. White shirts will never see what made me. They found where the gold was plundered--took and they looked so indolently. My whole family left the dairy farm, and my uncle sold our quota. I crossed the mountains and I made a start, I played my part but the axe it chose me. In dreams of iron I felt violent when my saw went. Got used to falling so I went calling on a friend. Dove off my island, I fell silent and I swam. And it got harder, I felt the water rushing in. Dreamt that I drove into a hellish squalor--I left my lover just like my father did. When I woke up I felt just like a child, I sat up in my chair and straightened up my collar. Sometimes you get a windless warning. I wish I would have listened back in my days old. ‘Cause I once lived to take the forest away and I can never go back to my home once it’s sold. In dreams of iron I felt violent when my saw went. Got used to falling so I went calling on a friend. Dove off my island, I fell silent and I swam. And it got harder, I felt the water rushing in.
8.
Looking through your window at the empty street from a factory of floating frames. It looks so different but it smells the same this pennyroyal claim. No matter how you try the sound won’t let you sleep, with tires turning gravel hard And your home it seems so very far just like a distant star. Daylight fading into a glow, slow rain on top of heavy snow. Begging to be left alone, but nobody’s home. Saving all your jewels for when the sun goes down, seasons passing with alarming speed. It’s going faster than you’d ever believe and soon your children will leave. Don’t you know your mother gave you aimless time, now you’re too late to realize, ‘cause you told yourself convenient lies to rest your greedy eyes. Why can’t we just take it slow, throw all your diamonds in the falling snow? We can find a place, I know, where everybody’s home. Staring at the runway from your window seat from the belly of a Boeing crane. You swore you’d never come this way again ‘cause every time it’s insane. And you turned to your lover as you stood in line. You said, “It’s better were together now ‘cause if this weather takes our love straight down I’d rather not be around.”
9.
Fallen Firs 03:50
I recognized myself out with the dogs shouldering logs. There were brushstrokes of fallen firs, dark shapes mistook for words. I went to find my love. Ran down the tracks, mud up my back and the tears welled up in my eyes when I saw her begin to cry. I want you to know, for what you gave I’m grateful. I want you to stay, fixed in my mind for always. I recognized your voice, lost in a dream, in a violent scene. I was certain that I would die so I called for you through the night. I woke up stuck to my sheets. Sat up in bed, shaking my head, I thought, “at least I can say I tried when it feels like there’s no light to guide me.” I want you to know, for what you gave I’m grateful. I want you to stay, fixed in my mind for always.
10.
Smoke Ring 06:24
Oh when you were young you could wake up very slowly. Rise and fill your lungs, eat and feel the sun on your face. Now you’re fled and gone and a ghost sits down in every doorway. When fractures fail too long then all the kids stop singing songs and laughing. They see visions of the roadway, stuck in a town that isn’t ok. How I used to pray for the house not to catch on fire. Every night I’d wait--a prayer could seal my fate. Now I turn to you, and our picture’s fading very slowly. I’m grasping for some proof ‘cause I still don’t know the truth about them. They see visions of the roadway, stuck in a town that isn’t ok. They see visions of the roadway, trapped in a vase, wrapped in a smoke ring.

credits

released August 31, 2018

All songs written by Rob Dickson SOCAN 2018. Produced by Rob Dickson & Jordy Walker.

Rob Dickson - Vocals, Guitars, and Rhodes (1)
Jordy Walker – Drums, Guitars (8, 10), and Backing Vocals (3)
Micah Smith – Bass and Piano (5)
Mika Posen – Violin and Viola
Jim Bryson – Guitars (2, 3, 7), Piano (4), and Synthesizers (2, 3)
Adrian Burrill – Horns (3, 7) and Backing Vocals (3)

Recorded and mixed by Jordy Walker at Stackwall Sound in Whitehorse, Yukon.

Strings arranged and recorded by Mika Posen in Ottawa, Ontario.

Guitars, piano and synthesizer recorded by Jim Bryson at Fixed Hinge in Stittsville, Ontario.

Mastered by Philip Shaw Bova at Bova Lab Studio in Ottawa, Ontario.

Front cover painting by Neil Graham.
Back cover drawing by Alena Puskas.
Layout by Colin Medley.

SOSO-011
www.sosorryrecords.com

We acknowledge the generous contribution of the Yukon Media Development Fund for the makin of this album.

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Rob Dickson Whitehorse, Yukon

A song-writer and song-singer living in Yukon. Plays guitar, sings to get the melody to match.

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